What is resilience?
Resilience is the ability to adapt to adversity. It's the
ability to cope with living in spite of stress.
Building resilience is the ability to bounce back and adapt to
all kinds of adversity, including trauma, tragedy, threats,
setbacks and stress. Children at some time in their lives will
experience stress and trauma, but by building resilience, children
are better able to manage stress and feelings of anxiety and
uncertainty.
Resilience is important because it is the human capacity to
face, overcome and be strengthened or even transformed by the
adversities of life. And adversity affects us all at some time in
our lives.
Resilience checklist
Resilient children
- find ways to solve their problems
- exercise control over negative thoughts and take responsibility
for choosing how to act and feel
- are more likely to have people to talk to and confide in when
something worries them
- have inner strength, social and inter-personal skills and
skills in communicating effectively
- require parents and carers to model resilient behaviours and
help promote resilience through words, actions and the environment
in which they are being raised
- like to try new things, enjoy a challenge
- need supervision, support and boundaries
- feel they can succeed
- persist with a task and persevere
- have a sense of optimism
- believe their contribution can make a difference to an
outcome
- like helping people
- possess a sense of fun
Resilience can be learned
Resilience draws on aspects of a child's characteristics
including temperament and the environment in which they are raised
and supported, including people and opportunities that help build
resilience, for instance independence, autonomy and problem
solving.
Strategies for building resilience can be learned over time.
Learning to think positively and in perspective means a child can
not only cope with problems and setbacks, but they also have
opportunities to learn how to build strengths that protect and
promote well-being.
To overcome adversity and build resilience, children ideally
require:
- unconditional love and acceptance
- some autonomy over their lives
- trusting relationships with significant adults
- feelings of independence
- secure relationships and strong role modes to help foster
friendships and commitment
- a safe and stable environment
- self-confidence and faith in themselves and their world
All these things help to build resilience.
Helping to promote resilience
A child's ability to build resilience is dependent on their age
and stage of development. Babies and toddlers have limited physical
and emotional competence compared with eight year olds. However,
helping a child to feel secure and confident can begin at
birth.
For babies, toddlers and preschoolers:
- Provide safety, security, stability and nurture - physically,
verbally and emotionally
- Rock, stroke, soothe and cuddle often
- Use words of comfort to calm
- Allow babies freedom to explore in safety
- Encourage toddlers to calm themselves
- Model optimistic and resilient behaviour
- Talk with toddlers and preschoolers about what adversity and
setbacks mean
- Reinforce a child's faith in their own problem solving
skills
- Set limits for behaviour and label the behaviour, not the
child
- Offer explanations regarding rules and discipline
- Praise the accomplishment of tasks and milestones
- Encourage independence
- Help your child to recognise feelings and develop language to
express emotions
- Build on the security of trusted relationships
- Source appropriate picture books from your local library
- Know and work with your child's temperament
- Help your child stick to a daily routine
For preschoolers and older children:
- Give unconditional support, nurture and encouragement
- Encourage and help your child practise calming strategies
- Model self esteem, confidence and optimism
- Talk about appropriate behaviours
- Encourage independent thought and action
- Build on developing an emotional vocabulary and how to label
feelings
- Help your child to understand their own temperament and why
they might react in a certain way to a particular situation
- Practise effective ways to resolve conflict at school or in the
playground
- Talk about ways that a child can seek help and assistance if
needed
- Spend time every day talking, discussing and sharing what's
happening in your child's life
- Model and teach attitudes of empathy and ways of caring
- Explain that all behaviour has consequences
- Provide comfort in stressful situations
- Praise completed tasks, work well done, perseverance, desired
behaviours
- Discuss accepting responsibility for behaviour and why
discipline is imposed to limit some behaviours
- Clarify expectations, rules and regulations (especially for
school)
- Accept that failure happens and talk about ways your child can
overcome feelings of failure and try again
- Discuss and support emerging independence and autonomy as your
child develops, and how this balances out with age-appropriate
limitations
- Be flexibile with routines so that your child has time and
opportunity to be creative
- Teach your child how to focus on something else if they are
worried or upset
- Discuss what it means to be a friend and help your child to
make friends
- Explain the importance of eating properly, resting, exercising
and self care
- Help your child to see that their individual accomplishments
contribute to the well being of the family as a whole
Resilience is coping with change and for many young children,
change can be stressful and scary. Helping a child to keep things
in perspective and understand why change is an inevitable part of
life, will help them navigate and bounce back from tough times and
move forward to better times.
At all times, where possible, ensure that children have
unconditional support and stability from their family or caring
network.