Try them, others have found them really helpful
Written by Sue
Langley, one of our favourite positive
psychologists.
Today's three best things
With your child, discuss or write down the three best things
that happened to you today. This simple technique focuses our minds
on good things, which is important to build resilience. It may lead
to laughter, which builds the immune system, or it may lead to
tears. Encourage focus by exploring with questions about what
those three things were and why they made us happy. This is a good
tool to use at night to send a child (or an adult) to sleep with a
smile.
Be grateful!
Write down or discuss things you are grateful for. Gratitude is
one of the best tools for building positive emotion. It focuses us
on the good things in our lives and reminds us that we may be in a
better position than we think when we are dwelling on the
negatives. Gratitude exercises can include writing three things
down, discussing three things with another person, writing a
gratitude letter to someone you are grateful for and perhaps even
reading it to them. Be grateful for yourself too. "I am grateful
for every healthy cell in my body, if I can be grateful to them! I
hope they will do their best to strengthen and fight the unhealthy
ones."
Be active!
Exercise in some form increases levels of good hormones. If you
are living with cancer personally this may be difficult for you
during some stages of treatment. If you are living with a person
living with cancer, do something to strengthen your own resilience
so you can be stronger for the person you care about. Research
tells us that exercise is equally as beneficial for helping with
sadness and depression. Your physiology has a big impact on how you
feel and you may find getting out into the fresh air and releasing
some endorphins, which increase levels of positive
emotion, helps focus your mind on other things.
Smile!
This may be difficult at times, yet the simple act of smiling
has an impact on the person doing the smiling and people who see
the smile. Smiling sends a message to your brain that you are
happy. Even when we are not happy a smile can send a little message
that may help us move in that direction. Also, the people
around you may like to see a smile now and again! Cancer can have a
tendency to become the centre of attention and sometimes a smile
and some humour can take our minds off it. Making someone else
smile also has a bonus. Pay it forward with your smiles.
Laugh!
At Camp Quality we run laughter classes. Research tells us that
laughter strengthens the immune system which can aid recovery.
Laughter also massages some of the muscles, so gives us a little
bit of exercise. Yes, cancer is a serious situation but laughter
can help us change the focus, as well as reduce stress and tension.
If you don't feel like laughing, do what CQ do in their laughter
classes: fake it till you make it.
Challenge your thinking
Sometimes we can fall into the trap of 'all or nothing'
thinking. Challenge your thoughts with a quick question, "Is it
true, false or I don't know?" If you are having some negative
thoughts about outcomes and moving towards a pessimistic viewpoint,
it is understandable. You may not want to stay there or influence
others around you to think that way. So ask yourself the
question, "Is it really true, could it be false, or I don't
know yet?"
Create positive goals!
Together with someone or on your own, write down a few small
goals that you would like to achieve. They may be small hurdles
related to cancer, they may be small things like having baked beans
for tea, or going on a picnic, or reading a certain book. Make a
list and then work towards them. The sense of achievement of even
the smallest goals has a positive effect on our wellbeing which can
build resilience in getting to the next, possibly bigger, goal.
Savour the moment!
Savouring the moment is a beautiful trick that makes us feel
instantly better; it increases levels of wellbeing and creates
engagement which increases satisfaction.. It is about stopping
and enjoying a moment. This could be anything. It could be the fun
around savouring a chocolate (the look, the smell, the texture,
exploring the taste and sensations); savouring a sunset, or
the feel of water and sand on your feet. It could be a nice meal
with friends or a wonderful conversation. It could be a book
or a walk through a field; a moment sitting in your chair
looking at the face of a loved one. Savour the moment, be in the
present and let the moment sink into you.
Visualise happy things!
Do you have a happy place to go to? I do. Mine is a beautiful
wood that opens onto a field or meadow with a little brook
trickling through, a mountain in the background and a gorgeous
wooden house at the bottom of the mountain. The area is peaceful
and enchanted. The house is safe and as I walk up the steps to the
front door. In my mind I know I am safe and secure. Create
somewhere you can go mentally that has the ability to make you
feel calm and secure, safe and warm. This is a good tool to use
when you are feeling scared. I used this recently at a hospital
when I was so terrified at what was going to happen I was shaking.
Closing my eyes and visualising myself gently walking across the
field to the house helped me to feel calm and peaceful even with
the hospital around me. Create your own happy place, or I invite
you to use mine.
Hug your loved ones!
Give yourself or someone in your family a hug. Touch is a
powerful tool for making us feel better. Research and common sense
tell us that hugging another human being helps us to feel safe and
connected. It is comforting. Allow yourself to be comforted or
comfort someone else. Give yourself a hug.
Talk to someone!
Talk to someone. Share thoughts and feelings; airing those real
feelings can be therapeutic. Often we feel we have to be strong and
hide how we really feel. Speaking to ourselves or someone else
and being honest about how we feel can reduce the intensity of
negative emotions. The detail is in neuroscience and the way the
brain works. In practice it means that labelling the emotion
actually reduces the intensity of that emotion. So be honest with
yourself and say how you feel.
Breathe!
Often when we get tense or anxious, frightened or angry, our
breathing becomes shallow and constricted. Breathing deeply for a
few moments, allowing the oxygen to fill the lungs completely, can
reduce the intensity of negative feelings. Reducing the tension
also allows oxygen to flow to the brain more effectively which
means we can think more clearly. Clear thinking is important when
we are making decisions about treatment and understanding
diagnoses.
Listen to uplifting music!
The ability to change our mood through music is quite amazing.
Music can help us through difficult times and is being used more
and more in therapy for a number of emotional issues. If you are
feeling scared, put on a piece of music that lifts you up. If you
need to sit with your sadness, put on some music that creates peace
around you. Check out our CQ juke box (orange box on the right-hand
side) for some happy tracks!
Meditate!
Even 10 minutes meditation can change your mood, focus your mind
and lift your spirits. Meditation does not have to be long and
uncomfortable. It can just be 10 minutes of focused deep breathing
in a comfortable position, allowing thoughts to drift in and out of
your mind, with no attachment or judgement. It induces a feeling of
relaxation and peace.
Talk in the 'positive'
Remove the 'shoulds' and 'should nots' from your
vocabulary. Many times we put pressure on ourselves by telling
ourselves we 'should be happy about the situation' or we
'should have noticed it sooner' or 'I shouldn't
be smiling now when X is suffering'. The word 'should' just adds
guilt to your existing emotion. How you feel is how you feel; it is
ok. There is no bad emotion. 'Should' just adds a layer of guilt;
it does not serve you. Remove the 'should' and remove the pressure
on yourself.
Build resilience!
Building resilience is about savouring the good, extending the
positive emotion and building reserves to get us through the
difficult times. Amplify the positive through appreciation and
gratitude. When you are feeling down, remember the positives;
remember when you have got through other tough times. Know you will
get through this.